I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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