We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
