i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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