im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
