well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
