I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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