anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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