Need sex. Gaining weight.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
