Where did you get a picture of my penis
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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