omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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