oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize