remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
