After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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