i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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