I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
