Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
