This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
