if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
