You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He is an equal opportunity slut.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
