I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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