white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
