Cold hands, warm shart.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
