i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
