I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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