Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
