Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
