I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
