I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
