HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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