We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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