I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
