tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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