you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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