you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
