I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
