I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
