your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
