Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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