I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
