Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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