I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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