Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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