My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
