I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
