Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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