and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
