He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
