did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She said her name was "party"
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I am available for nakedness
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
