after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
