I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize