The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I'm really busy with my period
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