he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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