Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
