upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
