Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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