you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
