RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I am naked and annoyed.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
