no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
