im drinking this country out of the recession.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
