and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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