if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
