you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
