i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
