you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
