she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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