I could have mohawked her pubes.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
