I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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